1. Ben and Jerry’s Flavor Guru
Estimated pay: Anywhere between $40k per year and $200k per year (depending on position)
Ben and Jerry’s delicious tasting and cleverly-named ice creams are, without question, the best thing to ever come out of Vermont (prove me wrong, I dare you). And the ideal position within the custard conglomerate is clearly a Flavor Guru—a job that consists of blending ice cream, candy, and all types of syrupy goodness into the perfect concoctions, then tasting copious amounts to “assure quality,” and whatnot. Unhealthy? Maybe. But so is hunching over a laptop 40+ hours a week.
2. Private Island Caretaker
Estimated pay: Anywhere from $15k-$45k per year
You know the supervillain level of affluence where you can not only afford to spend your time lounging on a tropical island, but have the funds to buy your own island—strictly used for lounging? Well, now you can ride the coattails of the rich and powerful to your own dream job, as a Private Island Caretaker. It’s kind of like house-sitting, but instead of the biggest perk being liberal fridge privileges, it’s spending your life in a secluded paradise—and getting paid for it. Way better than free popsicles.
3. Water Slide Tester
Estimated pay: Around $31,000 a year
Yes, Water Slide Tester: it’s an actual job. And it earns a salary most entry-level workers would happily accept (even if just to work at an establishment without a strict, no-water slide mandate). Are there downsides to testing water park attractions all over the world? “It can be tough when it’s chilly and you have to strip off, but otherwise it’s great,” ex-slide tester Tommy Lynch told The Mirror. I feel bad for Tommy, his career is certainly going to take a steep plunge from here on out.
4. Weed & Sex Journalist
Estimated pay: Anywhere from $32k to $67k a year
There are plenty of blogging and writing jobs that people would die for, like bloggers who document their travels all over the world, and those who get to spend weeks just playing Rock, Paper, Scissors. With the recent explosion of legalized marijuana in certain American states, “Weed Reviewer” is now a legitimate, achievable job for cannabis-centric wordsmiths. But one specific job, as a Sex Columnist who specializes in getting high, and then having sex while intoxicated, may just win the blue ribbon for best job of all time…if you are into that kind of stuff. Which you almost assuredly are.
5. Jack Daniels Taster
Estimated pay: Anywhere from $20k-$60k per year
If you boss is constantly on your case about drinking on the job—my advice is to get some serious help, or relocate to Tennessee, where you can become a tester of some of the finest whiskey in the known universe. Recently, Jack Daniel’s Assistant Master Distiller Chris Fletcher stopped by Supercompressor HQ to let us sample a plethora of Old No. 7 classics. I can tell you, finding the nuanced flavors buried deep in the whiskey is a complicated process, but I’d be willing to learn. Oh God, I’d be willing to learn.